he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
