No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
