I just saw a hot homeless man
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
