my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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