So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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