margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
