i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
