Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
