He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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