True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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