Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
