Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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