I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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