i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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