Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
