tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
