I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
