we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
