I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize