youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
