you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
