Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
