Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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