I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
