My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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