Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
