Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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