I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
