having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
