I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
