Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
