Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
