So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
