eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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