my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
