My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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