Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just crazy horny about you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
