The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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