pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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