last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
