Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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