my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
