I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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