I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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