If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
