you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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