yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
