I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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