you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize