Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
