my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
