Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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