Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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