Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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