Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
