She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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