We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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