I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
