my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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