i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
