SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
