nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
